FROM FEELING INVISIBLE
I wasn’t going to write a new post this week.
Because it’s almost a holiday weekend and I thought about taking the night off and sleeping in. But mid-thought…mid-plans to spend the evening snuggled up underneath my covers and binge watch House of Cards on Netflix or thumb through an overdue library book, or two, I received an email that said this:
I can’t help but feel like no one gives a darn about me and also feeling like my life is never going to start. Recently I’ve been feeling this a lot lately and I guess that’s why I finally got the courage to write this message. I’m so scared to make changes in my life because of all that could go wrong.
I wrote back to the person who breathed out these intimate words inside of my inbox letting them know this:
You’re right. Most of the time, most of the people in this world won’t care about you. That feels lonely, doesn’t it? But it’s also true. And the sooner you understand that, the sooner you realize that for a good chunk of your adult life, you’re lucky if you can count the loyal lovers you have one single hand, you’ll be ready to conquer this universe. Because…because…because, once you realize that, you’ll also realize the heavy-booted weight you need to put on learning to become your own champion. Your biggest fan. Your sidekick. Your wingman. Your darling determined advocate.
Hug yourself more.
I’m serious. Do it now. Take your arms and wrap them around yourself and let yourself know that no matter what, no matter how many mindless mistakes you make or awkward moments you sulk in, you’ll be OKAY. No matter how annoyed you are at the situation you fall asleep to every night, you are still the most powerful person in the room. That you have your own back. That you are strong enough and resilient enough to lace up your converse after a long day of bubbled up “ughhhhhssss” and walk down the sidewalk like nothing ever happened.
And one more thing. Be more scared of all that will go wrong if you don’t make changes. Because that’s when things get monster-underneath-your-bed-scary. If you’re unhappy now…if you’re crying more than you’re laughing…you have no choice but to toss your arms in the air (post-self-hug) and chase after those scary changes, like you’re a preschooler trying to win a game of tag. Make those changes all at once. them slowly, if you’d like. But make them. When you have nothing, my brave and brilliant soul-sister, you suddenly have something special: the decision to sit in a pile of expired guck– or brush it off, take a warm shower, and be the kind of person you know you are deep down inside. Which I know is gorgeously amazing.
Besides, I’ve never been a devout follower of wrong vs. right.
But I have been slapped in the face by a tiny thing called regret and I know that when it comes to town, it leaves a mark for a while. You’ll hardly ever regret acting on something you desperately wanted to do. Even if it doesn’t work…even if, like you say, goes terribly wrong, you’ll shrug your shoulders, go get a medium-sized pizza, and try something else.
You know what that’s called?
Adventure. And it’s about time you got fighting forward on yours.
All my love,